Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
