I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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