A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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