took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
