Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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