I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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