i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The air was thick with penises
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
