The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
