I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
