Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
