Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
