I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
