One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
