I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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