Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
