no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
