so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
