you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
