I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
