Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
