Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
