She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
