my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
