yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
