she was so not down for the gang bang
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
