You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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