I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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