i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I could make wine with my vomit
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
