She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
