Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
