She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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