Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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