Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
