We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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