She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
