I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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