How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
