normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
