ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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