I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
