thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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