love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
