There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
