Your face is a jimmy john
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
