In the future we'll all be gay
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
