I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
