I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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