Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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