I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
