threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
