if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Randomize
